I am, I am, I am
by StreetsOfGlory
Summary: She wants what we all want,love,family,a place to belong &her happy ending. She's only a young orphan looking for a home, but she will turn out to be so much more. Starts at the beginning of 3B. Mainly:Regina/OC, OutlawQueen Some:SQ brotp,Snowing, Snow/Regina brotp, CS.
1. Chapter 1: Scars

**Hi everyone!**

**I'm so excited to share this story with you all. I've been toying around with it for a while. I love reading everyone's incredible work and decided to throw my hat into the ring. **

**Please leave a review if you can. **

**I will try my best to read some of your stories and return the favor. **

**Much Love.**

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Chapter 1: Scars

She sat alone on a log as she tended to the fire that she had used for her morning meal.

Today was a special day. Well, not entirely special, but more special than a typical day. Today was her birthday. Today meant little to her most years, but this year was different.

She felt different.

She closed her eyes and felt the swirl of energy around her heart. It was new. It was different. She was not sure yet if it was something she liked. She tried hard to think if she had felt this feeling before. Never, she had never felt this. She was curious to know what it was. And more importantly why it was happening now. Maybe it was because she was now eighteen. Finally of age.

She felt a change coming. She could sense it in her veins.

It was a warm morning. Warmer than it had been in a long time. The sun peaked through the trees more than it usually did. It was as if the sun knew it was a special day. He was smiling down at her. Warming her all over and making her hot.

After tying up her long dark brown hair, she removed her coat and boots, allowing her feet to touch the soft moss underneath. She couldn't help but look down at her arms. She had so many scars. More scars than someone her age should have.

More scars than someone _twice_ her age should have.

She ran her hand down a large scar on her left arm. This particular scar stretched from the back of her upper arm, down over the inside of her elbow and down to her wrist. Thick and pale. A couple similar scars ran across her back, while another ran along her right leg, and another ran diagonal across her abdomen. Those are the ones that still left her with the occasional pain. That's when she closed her eyes and held her right hand over her heart. This was where the worst scar was. So small, but one that nearly killed her nonetheless. Many of her others were not significant. They were from endless days of surviving in the forest and from days of difficult training.

They made her feel tired. She felt much older than her age. Times like this she felt her actual age. She should be middle aged now with a child the same age as she appeared now. But for nearly thirty years, time stood still. Time stopped the day the Evil Queen left this land. Leaving the people left behind to wonder why they didn't age. She took them to a land far away of theirs, where the others lived the same day over and over again just as they did. That was until two years ago, when after a surge of bright energy came to their land and started time again.

She thought back to the days before she was so scarred. She thought about _her_. She felt the sadness fill her heart. So much time was wasted. She lived with pain every day and it felt as if she had to live every painful day over and over again. But she tried to be strong, strong for _her_. She remembered back to the day they met.

"_One day your strength and bravery will surpass your beauty. Only then will you become useful to me." _

That was the day she was given a chance. A chance to be.

She took a deep breath trying to go back to that time. A time when she had more hope. She was brought out of her thoughts as she felt someone behind her. She stiffened her back and greeted her visitor.

"I know you're there, you know."

"I gathered that. You're getting much better."

She turned her head a little to glance back at the man who had given her so much when she had so little. The man sat down on the log next to her. He took a moment to observe her movements before talking again. She was flighty. Guarded. Always with one arm stretched out before her.

"It is a beautiful day".

"Yes it is." She replied, turning to the man.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden box tied with a blue ribbon. She had never said it out loud, but blue was her favorite color.

"For you" he said holding it out for her to take. "For me? What for?"

"For your birthday of course."

"I'm not really one for presents."

"I know."

With a small sigh she gave up. She allowed herself to untie the ribbon and open the box.

She pulled out a simple yet elegant gold ring with a single sapphire in the middle. It saddened her. The sapphire reminded her of another item with a similar stone. One that she lost long ago.

"It's beautiful. Where did you find such a ring?"

"It was my mother's. I inherited from her when she passed. It's been in our family for several generations."

She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't feel worthy of such a gift. She managed a small smile, "It is a thoughtful gift, but I can't accept it. It's too important to your family."

"You are my family. You are practically my daughter." He said it so simply, as if the words had been stamped in stone.

She gave him a small smile. It was true, he was practically her father. At least the only father figure she had ever known.

"Thank you, Robin"

"You're very much welcome, Lilla."

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**Who is this **_**she? **_**And why is she so important. It was difficult for me to pick a name for Lilla, but it will have a lotttt of significance in future chapters. **

**And how exactly does Lilla know Robin? ****Soon we will learn who **_**she**_** is and how Lilla got so many scars. ****I borrowed the title of the story from one of my favorite books. It's my favorite quote and will use it sometime in the story. **

**Hope you all enjoy it!**

**Hit me up with reviews. I'd love to hear everyone's guesses to these questions.**

**And does anyone know which book I got my story's title from. If you guess right then you're amazing!**

**Much Love,**

_**AF**_


	2. Chapter 2: Meeting Her

**First and foremost, thank you to EVERYONE who read, reviewed, favored, and followed this story. It's very sweet and encouraging.**

**One of my lovely reviewers guessed where I got my inspiration for the title. Great Job! And I can not wait to share in the context of the story.**

**Here is the second chapter. Not much goes on in this one, but we do learn who the mysterious **_**her**_** is.**

**Disclaimer just in case: Not mine. (no shit right) Except Lilla, I take full responsibility for that one.**

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Chapter 2: Meeting _Her_

Lilla had a hard time sleeping that night. After an hour of tossing and turning inside her tent she picked up her cot and started towards a small clearing in the trees. She laid down on the cot and looked up. As she got her first look at the stars above she let out a breath. Her lungs welcomed the cold air and her entire body relaxed. Looking up at the stars always comforted her. It gave her hope. Hope that _she_ was somewhere, out there, in the great universe above her. It made her feel less alone.

After a few minutes her mind went blank and sleep finally took over.

She fell asleep only for her dreams to be plagued. Plagued by memories of when she was years younger.

After a week of trekking through the forest Lilla finally made it to the Dark Palace. It was grander and more beautiful than she ever could have thought. She scouted the area and after a quick assessment she could see an area unpatrolled where she could climb up the castle wall and onto a balcony. She hung her bow across her back along with her sword and quiver.

After some effort she was finally able to pull herself up and over the balcony. She stepped lightly into a large room, the queen's quarters. There was a large fireplace accompanied with a lounge chair and a simple end table. To the left she could see a long table across the wall with an ornate mirror above it. The mirror reminded her of flames. Or maybe not, maybe they were more like vines. And to the left of the table ran a long hallway. It occurred to her that this room was the first in her chambers and probably to last one that most guests ever saw.

To the right was a doorway. Out of curiosity she opened the large wooden door and stepped through to the queen's bed chamber. She was taken aback by how simple everything inside seemed. A four poster bed sat in the middle while another fireplace sat next to her right. The chair and the end table in front of the stone fireplace were very similar to the ones in the previous room. However there were books on the end table.

How strange to think that the Evil Queen actually might do something as ordinary as reading a book. A book with paper pages and a leather binding. A book just like any other.

On the opposite wall sat a vanity and a wardrobe. She observed the contents of the vanity. The queen was well equipped with dark makeup and expensive perfumes. And so many jewels. Of course a woman of her status would own such things.

Lilla took a minute to observe herself in the vanity mirror. It had been a while since she had looked in a proper mirror. It took her a minute to recognize herself. The young girl looking back at her seemed all too young. It was true, she was young, only fourteen. But she felt older.

She felt like she had become an adult years ago, forced to grow up too fast. Being an orphan forced you to.

After another minute she made her way over to the wardrobe. Inside hung two very ornate dark dresses. These dresses almost didn't fit with the rest of the simplicity of the room. The detail in the garments surprised Lilla. She had heard of the queen's love of expensive clothing. On more than one occasion she heard the nuns at the orphanage complain about how many mouths they could feed for the price of one of queen's dresses. Just as she was about to touch the sleeve of one of the dresses the door that she had come through burst open.

She stood still. Too shocked to move. Too shocked to tear her eyes away from the approaching woman.

She could hear the queen mumbling, "Stupid imbeciles." She looked frustrated. She ripped off her gloves after practically slamming the door behind her. Lilla was afraid for those that the queen was angry with.

After a couple seconds the queen looked up. When she caught sight of Lilla she stopped dead in her tracks.

"And who are you?" It was clear that the queen was furious that someone was in her bed chambers. "How'd you get in here? How'd you get past my guards?"

Lilla trembled a little. But felt encouraged when the queen addressed her instead of calling for her guards. Lilla narrowed her eyebrows a little trying to gauge what the queen was thinking.

The Evil Queen was curious, she had never met someone as brazen as this young girl standing before her. No one would ever dare to enter her bed chambers uninvited. This girl was incredibly brave or stupid. Either way, she was going to have some fun.

"I came through the balcony," Lilla managed to burst out. She came off a lot more scared than she wanted. She took a deep breath through her nose and continued, "It was an easy climb."

"So a thief then," the queen returned as she crossed her arms over her chest. She seemed less interested. It was as if she had solved a puzzle too easily and was bored again.

"I've never had the intention of steeling anything ever."

The queen then took a couple steps rounding to Lilla's left, taking a detour to place her gloves on the end table. The queen was observing Lilla. Taking in her appearance, she concluded that the young girl must be in her early teenage years. She felt a leap of anger when she saw how muddy her boots were. This girl was brazen. To come into her castle uninvited was on thing, but to track mud into it was another. But then she felt something else. A familiarity. A reminder of the young girl she once was herself.

The Queen suddenly stopped walking. She appeared to be looking through Lilla. Into her own past. Something about this young girl reminded her of herself. Before she became the queen. Back to when she didn't think twice about muddy boots. She had been more of a tomboy than a lady. Choosing to wear pants and boots over dresses. Pants and boots very similar to those of the girl before her.

"I am lost. I can't think of any reason why someone would risk breaking into my chambers if not to steel something of value."

The queen took a couple more steps towards Lilla. She was trying to read her. She was back to trying to solve the puzzle that was this young girl. The queen scanned her face and concluded whatever the girl's reasons for being here were, they were not malicious. There wasn't any indication that the girl was there to harm her. She looked deep into the girl's eyes. Eyes as deep and blue as the sea. She was momentarily captivated. She had seen eyes so similar once before, a million lifetimes ago.

"Honestly, I was curious. " Lilla's voice brought the Queen back to the present.

Now it was the queen's turn to narrow her eyebrows. "Curious about what?"

"About you." It was true. The queen was in enigma to her. One that she wanted to figure out. Like the queen, Lilla couldn't let a puzzle go unsolved.

"Ha! Stupid girl. Have you not heard enough stories about me to know exactly who I am?"

Lilla shifted uncomfortably in her place. Up until now, she had felt somewhat comfortable. Now she saw the flame in the queen's eyes. She saw the Evil Queen. But she also saw the truth. She could tell from the queen's room that she was much simpler than she would like people to believe. He dresses showed everyone the Evil Queen. Showed her power. But her private room showed that she was a simple woman who wanted the same things as everyone else. It humanized her in Lilla's eyes.

"I know exactly who you are. That's part of the reason why I am here. I needed to see if you were as powerful as everyone seems to think you are."

The queen's eyes darkened and her face quickly changed to one of no emotion. It gave Lilla pause. She wondered how much practice it took for her to get her face to the point where she was completely unreadable.

"And tell me, _girl_, why did you come here?"

"I came to request a presence in your army," Lilla stood a little straighter to drive home her point. She was telling the truth, she thought she could find her place amongst the queen's army.

Suddenly the queen laughed. A laugh that was a little too forced. A laugh that scared Lilla. The queen turned her back on Lilla and started walking towards the door leading out back to the sitting room.

"Young girls are no use to me and my army. I will forgive you stupidity for a moment. Only a moment. And give you the opportunity to leave this minute and go home."

Home? She had no home. No she wouldn't leave.

The queen was nearly to the door. Lilla couldn't let her leave. Not now. She needed the Queen to take her seriously. She needed her to see that she was strong. That she was capable.

Before she realized what she was doing she pulled out an arrow from her quiver and shot it towards that queens retreating figure. Just as the queen's hand landed on the door handle the arrow whizzed past her ear and stuck into the wood of the door.

She turned around quickly. With her hand poised and ready to knock Lilla down.

With her palms up, facing the queen, Lilla yelled, "I am not some little girl."

The queen lowered her hand and relaxed. "You seem somewhat determined. Tell me, what makes you think you could have a place in my army?" The queen seemed amused. Similar to the amusement that a cat gets from playing with its prey once caught.

"I have trained many days with my bow and I've known how to wield a sword since I was ten."

"Oh really?" The queen asked curiously. "And how exactly did you come to learn such things?"

"Your knights, your Majesty." This was the first time Lilla addressed the queen formally. So, the girl did have some kind of manners the queen thought to herself.

The queen raised an eyebrow at Lilla. It was clear to Lilla she needed to explain further.

So she continued, "Even though there is almost nothing in my village you have always had knights present. They don't have much to do there except to protect the orphanage and the small trading post right outside of town. It wasn't difficult to convince them to spend time with a young girl. Most of the knights I met were dying of boredom and it gave them something to pass the time."

The queen knew of the village that the girl spoke of. The village was small. Most people would find it difficult to find the importance of the village to the castle. But it was important. It was important to her. And she was the queen and it wasn't anyone's place to question her orders.

The queen was now on the verge of fascination. She had to know more about the girl. She had to know what made the girl come her of all places. Why she would want to throw away her life to be a simple pawn in her Majesty's army.

"What is your name?"

"My name is Lilla."

If Lilla had been looking directly at the queen she would have seen the recognition that crossed the queen's eyes for a split second.

She knew that name. She had heard that name spoken out loud once before.

" I'll give you one thing Lilla, you're beautiful." Lilla's name felt so strange to say. The queen very rarely addresses people by their names. Names gave value to people. It made people human. And it was difficult to kill when you saw a human. "Beauty is only so useful. One day your strength and bravery will surpass your beauty. Only then will you become useful to me"

"If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like that your majesty has accepted my request."

"No, she has not. She has given you the opportunity to try. It is yet to be determined if you have what it takes to be one of my knights."

"I will do whatever it takes."

"Good, because it's going to take everything, and no less_."_

Lilla gave the queen a small smile. She knew she was strong. That she was different. And she was determined to prove herself.

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**Thanks for reading! **

**Your HOMEWORK (I know right muhaha) is to hit me a review with your favorite line so far. I haven't put too many awesome ones in yet but I value all of your opinions.**

**Regina's relationship with those under her always fascinated me. I wish the writers would have dived in more into it. **

**Much Love,**

_**X**_


	3. Chapter 3: What is home?

**Hello again! **

**I've very excited to share this chapter, I almost cried writing it. It's a little on the short side so if I get enough views and feedback I will post the next chapter tomorrow.**

**Do you hear that?! TOMORROW! **

**Enjoy!**

**I do not own OUAT or any of their characters.**

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Chapter 3: What is home?

Lilla woke up the next morning from small hands shaking her shoulder and the early morning sunrise shining in her eyes.

"Wake up, Lilla, wake up, wake up, wake up!" Lilla slowly opened her eyes to a little boy. His smile was wide and his dimples were deep. His smile eased some of her pain. Lilla gave him a small smile in return; he could be so cute in the morning.

"Good morning, Roland. You are much too excited for it being this early in the morning."

Roland just kept smiling. He loved Lilla. It could be because she had been in his life since he was a toddler, or it could be because after Roland she was the next youngest person in their group of misfits.

Robin approached the pair with two bowls of food. He smiled to himself. He was grateful that Lilla was in Roland's life, she was as much of his older sister as she could be. Lilla would like people to believe that she wasn't attached to the boy, that she simply 'put up with him' for the sake of the others. But in truth, Roland had captured her heart ages ago.

"Breakfast," Robin said holding up the two bowls.

Lilla took the bowl handed to her and after a bite she looked around at the rest of the camp. Everyone was packing up their tents and belongings. The way they had done a hundred times before.

"Moving again? So soon?" Lilla was little disappointed, even if she didn't show it. She longed to put down roots. To not be so mobile, that her home wasn't so easily rolled up in a single pack and moved from one place to another.

Occasionally, Robin would sense this and discreetly tell Lilla that home was where family was. Even if that family had to live in a different part of the forest every couple weeks. He would look into her eyes and tell her they were her family. But her home, her family, didn't feel complete without her, the queen. The woman who had given her a chance and taken her under her wing. The woman that gave an orphan a place to call home.

"Yes, afraid so. It's not safe to stay stationary in these parts of the woods. There are rumors that something dangerous is nearby."

After an hour, the group was packed up and heading south. After a couple more hours, the group heard the first screams. Women's screams.

Immediately, Robin turned around to Lilla and told her to stay with Roland. He, Little John and another one of the Merry Men raced off towards the screams. Lilla was furious. Robin still treated her like a little kid. After handing Roland off to Friar Tuck she raced towards the direction that Robin and the others had. She ran and ran until her lungs burned. She was just a fast as Robin, but with his head start she had already lost him.

She looked west then east. Which way could he have gone? That's when she heard voices. She darted towards that direction. After a couple minutes, the voices grew louder and Lilla took out her bow and hitched an arrow. After another minute Robin and the others came into view over a small hill. They looked relaxed with their arms resting comfortably at their sides.

What she saw next, knocked the wind out of her. She could feel her heart beating wildly, practically trying to escape her chest.

She was standing only ten feet from her. With a scowl on her face, but nonetheless, still there. Standing in her long, feathery cape, looking as regal as ever. She was alive and she was here. She was here, actually here. Not a dream, reality.

It wasn't until Lilla slid down the length of the bank that Regina noticed her. Lilla very clumsily walked though Robin and John, dropping her bow at Robin's feet and finally approached the queen. She threw her arms around Regina's neck and started crying. Lilla was sobbing. The last time she cried was the day that she had lost Regina. She went twenty eight years without tears and now that Regina was back she couldn't help them from falling.

Robin was taken aback, he had never seen so much emotion from the young woman before. He looked back at Little John, who looked as confused and concerned as he was. Regina did nothing but close her eyes and hug her back even tighter, eyes welling up.

Regina was the first to pull back, still holding onto Lilla's elbows, "I thought you were dead."

Lilla let out a small half-hearted laugh of relief, "And I thought I would never see you again."

Regina pulled Lilla back to her body, holding her in place by griping the back of her head with her hand, "I am here now. And you are too." That's when Lilla pulled back to look into the queen's eye, "I thought you were lost to me, gone forever." Regina took a deep breath. A weight was lifted. She felt like she could almost breathe for the first time after watching Henry and Emma drive away. She wanted to hold onto Lilla forever, but she couldn't. There was much to be done and danger was certainly nearby.

"Everything is alright. Now stop crying. Dark knights do not cry," Regina said with a small smile, but with all the authority of the queen in her voice. Lilla immediately calmed down. She was back. She was there. All the puzzle pieces fell back together again. This was home. She was home again.

The other four figures surrounding the reunited pair looked on, almost unable to breath. Snow White looked over at the pair. She had never seen this young woman before, but she obviously meant a lot to the queen. She had rarely seen Regina so emotional, especially when she was in the Enchanted Forest. And as far as she knew, in the last 28 years that they were in Storybrooke there was only one other person she had ever hugged, Henry. Robin and his men looked on, very concerned at Lilla's surprise show of affections towards the queen. Robin knew that Lilla had been one of her majesty's knights, but he never thought that she had meant so much to the younger woman.

Robin stood silently observing the two women talking among themselves and wondered if he really knew Lilla at all.

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**This isn't even the most exciting chapter. Be prepared. **

**Thanks for reading! Hit me up with a review if you have a second.**

**Much Love,**

**_X_**


	4. Chapter 4: Choice

**Happy Comic-Con Day!**

**Our little girl is growing up in this chapter. Enjoy!**

**Much Love,**

_**X**_

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Chapter 4: Choice

It was a beautiful morning the day that Lilla turned fifteen. It was in late September and autumn was nearing. Lilla had been put on watch in the early morning, which she didn't mind because watching the sunrise come up over the mountain from the castle's highest tower was the greatest gift she could ask for.

The land below her was incredibly beautiful. She rarely got to venture far from the castle in her last year as part of her majesty's guard because her training demanded much of her time. But she was a part of this land. This beautiful land that had been at peace for some time. There were no wars. The only commotion came from the occasional sighting of the bandit, Snow White.

After another hour another guard came to relieve Lilla. Her peaceful morning ended while she sat in the mess hall eating her breakfast. One of the head knights, Richard, came into the mess hall summoning her and three other guards. Richard led the four guards to the courtyard where horses were waiting. Lilla was confused as to what their orders were until she saw the queen approaching on her black steed, dressed in her own chainmail and armor.

When she was close she finally addressed the four guards, "Today we hunt. I have on good authority that the bandit, Snow White, is seeking shelter in a village not far from here. Today she will not get away."

That's when Richard spoke up, "We can handle it, your majesty."

"No apparently you can't! The last three times you imbeciles have let Snow White get away. This time I will go and end her myself." The queen was livid, her eyes were aflame. What startled Lilla the most was the queen's determination. Lilla could see in that the queen would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. It scared her that it could even mean their lives.

The queen was dark. Her intentions were dark. Nothing good ever came from such darkness.

Lilla and the other guards took that as their clue to mount their horses. Seconds later, the queen took off towards the forest with her guards shortly behind her.

After some time the group was nearing the village where Snow White had reportedly been spotted and the queen slowed her horse. The queen seemed to be in a better mood. She was confident that today would be the day she would finally defeat Snow White. Lilla took the opportunity to bring her horse forward to ride next to the queen while the other guards kept their distance, not willing to be any closer to the Evil Queen than they had to. Lilla waited until the queen addressed her as she always did.

"You've been with us nearly a year, haven't you." Lilla was surprised, in the last year they had barley spoken and they had never spoken about Lilla.

"Yes, your majesty. It'll be a year in another two weeks."

"I've heard great things about you. Richard says you are one of the best fighters he's ever seen and possibly the best archer."

"Everyone had been very gracious to me. I have learned a lot." It was true, Lilla had been taught by some of the best fighters in the realm as her time in the queen's guard, including Richard, but she also had a raw talent for it. She wanted to be the best fighter that this realm had ever seen and was working hard for it. She wanted it and she took it.

The queen glanced to Lilla for a second. She looked satisfied. The queen kicked her horse ahead a few yards as a way to hide her amusement. She was proud of this young girl. She took a gamble on her. She was the youngest and the first female guard to serve under the queen and many people were less than thrilled. But again, no one questioned the queen's judgment openly. The queen had her own reasons for wanting Lilla close. It wasn't common for someone to join her guard willingly. Many guards came to her because they had no choice. They simply did what the queen asked of them in exchange for their lives. Lilla was loyal to her. Loyalty made Lilla valuable to the queen. She would prove to be an important asset. An asset to be kept close.

The group came to a bridge just before the village. Just as the group neared the center of the bridge, all hell broke loose. Over a dozen men came from both directions. Men trained to kill. Men who wanted to queen dead. Lilla dismounted her horse and drew her sword before the queen could even regain control of her startled horse. She ran ahead of the queen and killed two attackers just before the queen dismounted. The other three guards were surrounded and not faring well, only being able to defeat a few attackers before they all fell. They were outnumbered. Lilla feared for their lives. She feared for the queen's life. The queen was doing well, taking out man after man with fire. Charring their bodies, their screams echoing in Lilla's ears. But not one of the screams belonged to the queen, so she fought on. She fought to save them. She fought to save the queen.

After digging her sword out of an attacker, Lilla looked high above them on a ridge where an archer was positioned. Lilla turned towards the direction of the archer's trajectory. The queen. He was aiming for the queen who was too busy with her own attackers to see him aiming right at her back. Lilla screamed and ran towards the queen, jumping in between the queen and the approaching arrow. Lilla fell to the ground, unmoving.

The queen turned at the sound of the younger woman's screams. She looked around and then down. Lilla laid on the ground with an arrow in her chest. Something broken inside the queen in that moment. Her magic flowed from her heart to the tips of her fingers. Her rage took over her body and she snapped the archer, breaking his body. But the queen was still being surrounded by attackers. She was the only one left standing, with no way out. The queen threw up her arms and screamed as fire erupted from her palms. She screamed and screamed, surrounding her and Lilla by a wall of fire. After the fire settled, there were no more attackers. Only the queen was left standing with Lilla lying unconscious at her feet.

The queen turned Lilla so she was face up. The arrow was so close to her heart, she feared the worst. She let out a breath of relief when her hand hovered over the arrow, it hadn't struck her heat. Lilla was lucky. The queen removed the arrow and healed the wound with magic. Although Lilla was unconscious she was breathing. She would live. The queen's rage dissipated, Lilla would live.

Hours later Lilla woke up on the lounge chair in the queen's sitting room. It was dark and the castle was quiet. Lilla sat up without difficulty, her wound hurt little. She pushed her shirt out of the way towards her shoulder to see the scar that the arrow left. She traced the scar with her fingers in amazement. The only remnants of the arrow that threatened her life were a small pink scar and some internal scar tissue.

In that moment the queen entered the room from the long hallway dressed in one of her usual gowns, "Oh good you're finally awake. I have something to discuss with you."

"The men on the bridge?"

"All dead," the queen answered the question flatly. The lives of those men meant nothing to her.

Lilla looked down at her feet. She killed today. She had killed men. People, they were people, just like herself. Lilla felt sick. Everything was so new to Lilla and she didn't know how to handle it.

The queen approached Lilla, placing her hand on her shoulder, "You fought well today, Lilla. If you hadn't, we would both be dead." Lilla tensed at the contact, this was the first time they ever had any physical contact. The queen was doing her best to comfort the young woman, to show her that what she had done was right. That she had no choice.

Lilla looked into the queen's eyes seeing genuine concern. The queen broke contact, turning around to sit in a chair a few feet from Lilla. Lilla looked over to where the queen sat, she had never seen another chair in this room before. She must have had it brought in. Lilla wondered how long she had been unconscious.

The queen crossed her legs and spoke up, "I have spoken to Richard regarding your position here at the palace. I would like you to join my personal guard. It's been made clear to me that I need…well I need protection."

"I would be honored your majesty. But if I can, I don't think you need much protection. If today is any indication, you seem to be able to handle yourself well enough."

"True, but today I was lucky. We both know I didn't see that arrow coming. And my magic can't stop something that I can't see." The queen didn't want to talk about today. Her actions were reckless and audacious. Three of her men were killed, all for following her into an ambush she should have seen coming. And Lilla had almost died. No, she couldn't think about what could have happened. Her rage was dangerous and she couldn't afford to lose control again.

The queen continued, "After today, I trust you. Not many would risk their lives in order to save mine. Most people would stand aside as I lay dying."

"Well, I'm not most people. I made a choice to come here a long time ago to serve you. No one made that choice for me. I made a commitment to give it my all."

No, she wasn't most people. She was special. She was different.

The queen looked to the young woman seated before her who entered her life a year ago and was slowly changing it. The queen blinked a couple times before standing up, "Get some rest. I will be seeing you soon." With that, the queen entered her bed chambers closing the door behind her.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**This chapter to me was kinda bland. It's difficult to write for EQ Regina because she was so closed off. I've already written four chapters after this one that are much more entertaining.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT**


	5. Chapter 5: Loss & Gain

**And we're back to the 'missing year'. Shortly after our lovely reunion. **

**Hope everyone had an amazing weekend! Hope this chapter makes your Monday a little better.**

**Much Love.**

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Chapter 5: Loss and Gain

Regina and Lilla were walking side by side with Snow as the rest of the group walked behind them. Lilla and Regina were talking while Snow smiled lightly and nodded every so often. Robin was walking with Little John a few paces behind the women. He couldn't help but look over to them every couple minutes.

Little John sensed his friend's uneasiness, "What's on your mind brother?"

"It's Lilla. I've never seen her look so much at ease with someone. I never would have thought that she was so…so close to the queen."

"Does you favor of Lilla waver any?"

"No. No, of course not. We have known Lilla for a long time. She is as good as they come."

It was fact, Lilla was _true_. The way that she cared for Roland and the way that she carried herself with the Merry Men showed him that. Even if she was guarded at times, she was still amicable. All those around her couldn't help but feel affection towards her. And Lilla had never shown Robin any mal intent.

Robin still looked at the women. If it wasn't at Lilla then it was at the queen. He wondered exactly who this woman was. Robin couldn't imagine Lilla caring for someone who was truly and deeply evil. He had heard so many stories about the Evil Queen. She was someone he feared and he had spent enough nights running from her henchmen to prove it. The woman that was walking ahead of him now couldn't be the same woman that the legends were made of. No, the Evil Queen couldn't be the same woman who had held his Lilla so close to her, and treated her as if she was the last solid piece of ground. Robin felt a little comfort seeing that Lilla let her guard down so easily around the queen, but he still looked on. Just because Lilla trusted her didn't mean he should.

After a couple hours the group made it to the Dark Palace. It looked the same. Nothing about the outward appearance seemed to of changed since the last time Lilla had been there.

Regina was furious when she discovered the force field around her castle, denying her entrance. The queen quickly made a plan to go through one of the underground tunnels in order to go under the force field. Regina insisted that she go alone, a plan that Lilla was not happy about. But the queen had spoken and she would not allow Lilla to accompany her. Regina had no idea what could be waiting for them on the other side and wasn't willing to endanger Lilla so soon after finding her again.

The others were led to make camp by Little John while Lilla held Robin back in order to speak to him alone. Lilla was concerned as she turned to Robin, "Please go with her Robin. She won't allow me to, but she may let you. "

"The queen was quite clear, a 'one woman job' she said."

"She's just being stubborn, but if you intercept her at the entrance of the tunnel I know she will not turn you away. Please Robin, I need to know that she is safe."

Robin looked into Lilla's eyes. She was desperate. Robin nodded and took off toward the direction that the queen had headed.

Lilla was right, Regina allowed Robin to accompany her with little argument. It was likely that she only allowed him to tag along so that she could learn more about the man that her most trusted knight had spent the last twenty eight years wandering through the forest with. Robin didn't care for the queen's motives though because he had the same thought in mind.

The quest to break into the castle had so far been uneventful. Robin and Regina had gotten into the castle without opposition. They even had a somewhat polite conversation. He had confided in Regina about the loss of his wife and the love he had for his son.

It wasn't until they reached the crypt when Robin felt brave enough to inquire about the queen.

"Who did you build such a crypt for?"

"My mother. Like you, I have lost much."

"Aye, but that's not all is it? You have the air of a mother who lost a child."

Regina stilled the hand that rested on her mother's casket, "Yes, I recently had to say goodbye to my son, Henry. "

"Is he…"

"Dead? No, just lost to me forever. It's…complicated."

"I couldn't imagine having to say goodbye to my son."

Regina remained silent still stroking the casket so Robin continued, "You have lost much, but you have also gained something you thought was lost. Why wouldn't you think that you could find your Henry again?"

"You mean Lilla." It wasn't a question. Regina could tell that Robin wanted to know, that he needed to know.

"Yes, Lilla. She never told me that she was so close to the Evil Queen."

Regina narrowed her eyes at Robin. Her anger was building and his use of the evil moniker didn't help.

"And I wasn't aware that Lilla could so freely cavort with a common thief such as yourself."

"This _thief_ kept her alive and well for twenty eight years while you lived it up in whatever land that dark curse brought you to. If you cared for Lilla at all…"

Regina slammed her hand on the casket, cutting Robin off. She was livid that that the thief could act as if he knew anything about her. He knew nothing of the anguish she felt the day that she thought Lilla had been lost to her forever. He had no idea what she went through.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare pretend to know how I care for her! She is the only person I have ever trusted with my life. She's is..." Regina stopped herself, taking a deep breath trying to regain control.

If this man clearly hadn't meant so much to the young woman in question he would be nothing but a pile of ashes. Instead, Regina chose to freeze his feet in place while she went up to the courtyard to lower the barrier by herself.

She lowered the barrier as promised, only to be met by the crazy Wicked Witch who had told her the surprising truth of her lineage. The half-sister who promised to take everything from Regina. She told Regina to prepare herself. No, Regina would not lose this battle, she refused to lose Lilla again.

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Oh snap!


	6. Chapter 6: Lilla

**Hello all you beautiful people! **

**This is a long one, but stick in there cuz there's a huge SURPRISE at the end. **

**I'm so excited and nervous to share this on with ya'll. If you have a second please hit me up with a review to let me know what you thought of it.**

**Much Love.**

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Chapter 6: Lilla

Lilla was nearing sixteen with the last year being the most eventful of her life. After the ambush on the bridge there was a lot of activity at the palace. For weeks scouts would come in and out of the palace with news about rebel forces. Snow White and Prince Charming were building an army. The queen learned that the men that had attacked them on the bridge were rebels who believed that Snow White was the rightful ruler. Their numbers were growing quickly. A war was coming and Lilla feared the worst.

With tensions running high, the queen was barley safe in her own castle. In the last six months Lilla rarely left the queen's side. At first the queen didn't like the idea of the young woman being so close to her, but Richard would not leave the queen alone unless Lilla was near. The queen decided that Lilla was the lesser of the two evils. After a couple months she started to not mind the company. The girl was growing on her. It was also a comfort that she could trust someone in a time when so many were against her. Every once in a while the pair would take walks around the palace's grounds in the middle of the night, thinking that it would be safest when no one expected them to be out. The queen didn't speak much when they were together, she would rarely ask Lilla about her personal life and never once talked about her own past. But the silence between them was never uncomfortable. Being in each other's company was comfort enough.

Lilla spent her sixteenth birthday preparing for an upcoming battle with Snow White's forces. The war had come to a peak and the upcoming battle would determine if they would lose the kingdom. Lilla was nervous, she could see that they were gravely outnumbered, even with King George's forces. She was in the war room with Richard and several of King George's knights when the queen entered requesting to speak to Lilla in private. The two women were given the room. That's when the queen presented Lilla with a beautiful, well-crafted sword. Lilla took the sword out of its sheath in amazement. It was the most beautiful object she ever owned. And it was just as great of a weapon as it was beautiful. A single sapphire was encrusted on the base of the hilt and a carving of a beautiful flower was engraved just above the guard. The sapphire reminded the queen of Lilla's eyes and thought she should have a sword that was as beautiful as its wielder.

Lilla traced the flower with her thumb with a little hesitation, she wasn't much for flowers, but this one held a special meaning.

Sensing Lilla's hesitation, the queen cleared her throat, "It's a lilac flower. Your name, Lilla, means lilac." Lilla looked up to the queen with a small smile, "I know. I just didn't think anyone else did. Thank you, your majesty, it's beautiful."

"Well, every knight needs a proper sword."

"Knight?"

"Yes, Lilla. You have earned the right. As of this moment, you are no longer a guard, you are a knight. A knight with the highest honor. " Regina gave Lilla a small smile, she was so much more to the queen than just another knight. She was her right hand, her most trusted ally. Lilla was still so young, but in time she could prove to be a valuable accomplice who would help her rule.

Lilla bowed her head to the queen, humbled by the fact that she had gotten everything she ever wanted. Lilla had earned her right at the table. She finally had found a place where people counted on her, a place where she belonged. This castle was her home and she would do whatever she needed to do in order to protect it.

The queen turned, heading out the way she had come. Lilla said her goodbyes to the queen. Right before the door she paused and turned, a little unsure of herself she opened her mouth, "Regina."

"What's that?" Lilla asked.

"Lilla, you have become my closest ally. I trust you very more than anyone. You may call me Regina." Lilla was speechless. She didn't know what to say so she just stood silently, watching the queen retreat out the door.

Later that night after dinner, Lilla and the queen sat in the queen's sitting room. The room was illuminated by the fireplace, displaying the pair engrossed in a game of chess. The entire castle was quiet, but neither woman could sleep. The queen rarely slept in the last year and Lilla was too concerned about the upcoming battle. Lilla was afraid if she was being honest with herself. This would be her first real battle, people were counting on her to fight, to kill. The queen was counting on her. And to make matters worse, the queen was insistent to not stay in the safety of the castle. Lilla couldn't protect her out there, and she was afraid for her. She could lose everything that she has come to love in the span of the next twenty four hours. Lilla moved a piece, giving the queen a lead by doing so.

The queen moved one of her own pieces taking one of Lilla's knights, "You mind in not currently in our little game here."

Lilla paused for a bit, still looking down at the chess board, "I'm just thinking of tomorrow."

"Do you doubt your abilities to fight in battle?"

"No of course I'm not." The queen was also thinking of the impeding battle. Of course she had reservations about sending her allies into a brutal fight, but she did what she thought was necessary. She had been forced to marry into this kingdom, forced to marry a man who didn't truly love her. She had sacrificed everything for this kingdom. She felt she was the rightful ruler and she would be damned if the woman she hated most in this world took one more thing from her.

Lilla decided that she didn't want to talk about the battle anymore and asked the queen something else that was bothering her, "You knew what my name meant. No one knows that. Did you know my parents? Did they tell you the meaning?" Lila looked up from her spot, waiting for Regina to respond. She was afraid of how Regina would react, but she had always been desperate to learn more about her parents.

"No, I'm afraid not," Regina responded still looking down at the board. She couldn't look at Lilla, she didn't want to see her disappointment.

"It's just that Sister Charlotte, the woman who took care of me at the orphanage, once lived here at the castle. Shortly before she moved to the orphanage. I always thought that maybe my parents were from this area." Lilla stopped rambling, feeling foolish for bringing it up in the first place. There was no way that the queen would know anything about her parents.

The queen finished her move still looking down at the board, "That is a good theory, but it wouldn't matter if they were. I'm not from this area either. I moved here when I married King Leopold. I didn't know anyone here." All of which was true, the queen had been alone when she came here. Stuck in the castle all alone. Alone with her demons and destructive thoughts of betrayal and vengeance. She knew how Lilla felt, not having a true place to belong for so long. She didn't feel like this castle was her home until the day she had Leopold killed and claimed the kingdom for herself.

Silence fell between the pair as Lilla finished her next move.

Regina's eyebrows furrowed in curiosity, "How much do you know of your parents?"

"Not much, only what Sister Charlotte told me. She was entrusted with me shortly after my mother's death. My father died before I was born and there was no one else. Charlotte was the one who told me what my name meant and she said that my mother was the one who named me. She died shortly before I came here. May be why I chose to finally leave the orphanage, there wasn't anything left for me there."

Lilla seemed to be far away, looking at the corner of the board, "I didn't always think so much about them. But I have a lot recently. I keep asking myself if they would be proud of me. If they'd be proud of the life I've chosen." Regina wanted to tell her that they were proud of her. Proud of the young woman that she had become. She wanted to tell her that her parents were with her always, and that they would be beside her tomorrow in battle. But she didn't and instead made her own move on the board. "Check mate," Regina stated disinterested and unattached. She got up out of her chair abruptly without giving Lilla a second glance. She didn't want Lilla to see the tears that were pooling in her eyes. Without looking back at Lilla, she said "Get some sleep. Hopefully you chess skills won't be any indication of how the battle will go tomorrow." And with that last thought, the queen entered her bed chambers leaving Lilla sitting alone.

Regina sat down at her vanity. Lilla's inquiry about her parents had shaken her. She removed her earrings and looked into the vanity mirror, going back to a time when she sat at the same vanity sixteen years earlier.

Regina was sitting at her vanity dressed in her white nightgown with her small hands resting atop her abdomen. Her stomach was growing and she knew her little girl would arrive soon. Her daughter was restless and had been actively kicking for the last hour. Regina stroked her stomach trying to soothe the child inside, "Shhh little one, go back to sleep."

Regina was only eighteen, all alone and afraid in the castle. Her fiance had died before her eyes and she had banished her mother to another realm. Her only hope came from the fact that no one knew that she was pregnant. She had begged Rumplestiltskin to cast a concealing spell so that the king wouldn't find out about the pregnancy. Regina's abdomen looked flat to everyone except for her and Rumple. Suspiciously, Rumple agreed to help Regina without much convincing, but he had his own motives for protecting the child. He knew protecting her would give him leverage over the queen. Leverage that he needed in order to trick the queen into casting the curse he desperately needed her to.

Regina had figured out that she was pregnant shortly before marrying the king. She knew that she had to protect and hide the child at all costs. She knew what her mother and the king would do to her if either of them found out about her child. Regina sprawled both hand protectively over the bump, knowing that she would have to say goodbye to her daughter soon. Regina cried that night. She cried for Daniel, who never got the chance to know he fathered a beautiful little girl. She cried for herself and for her child. A child who would never know her. A child who's life was unfairly taken from her before she was even born.

A few weeks later Regina gave birth to Lilla. When the first contractions came, the queen made her way to the small monastery just outside the castle where Sister Charlotte was waiting. After a couple of hours of labor Regina was holding her baby girl in her arms, sobbing and smiling at the same time. She was perfection. Her hair was dark like hers but her eyes were blue. Blue like Daniel's had been, but even more blue. They were bluer than any ocean Regina had ever seen. Sister Charlotte was packing her bag when she asked the queen the little girl's name.

"Lilla. Her name is Lilla. It means lilac"

"What a beautiful name," Charlotte replied. Regina loved lilacs. They reminded her of Daniel. He had always brought her lilacs from the field when he knew that she was having a particular bad day. He had promised her long ago that they would be happy and move into a small home in the country where he would plant her as many lilacs as she wanted. Lilacs made her smile and she wanted her daughter to have something that connected her to a part of Regina that wasn't so damaged. She wanted her to be connected to her happiest memories. She would never know to story of how her father would make her mother smile with a bouquet of lilacs, but maybe fate would bring that same smile to her daughter's face.

"You remember what to do?"

"Yes, your majesty. Of course," Sister Charlotte replied while slinging her bad over her shoulder. Regina took one last look at Lilla and kissed her forehead, "I love you, Lilla." She looked up at Charlotte, "Please don't let her forget that."

Charlotte gave Regina a reassuring smile and took Lilla from her. She would take her far away to a small unheard village. A place where Lilla could grow up far away from the reaches of Rumplestiltskin and the kingdom. A place where she could run through fields of wildflowers and not think twice about the weight of the world. A place where she would never know of her relation to the most powerful and feared woman in all the realms.

Regina allowed Charlotte and Lilla walk out of the room and out of her life forever.

Coming back to the present, Regina looked back up into the vanity mirror. She was crying . She cried for the little girl that she never got to know. She cried for all the wasted time. But she could never be Lilla's mother, it was never in the cards. The woman who gave birth to her died a long time ago. And no girl wants to learn that her mother is the most hated women in the entire world.

Regina had chosen this life, this life of vengeance and hatred. This was her fate. But that didn't mean that her fate had to be Lilla's. There was still hope for Lilla. She could still grow up without knowing that her mother was a monster. Regina wouldn't allow Lilla to follow in her footsteps the way that she had followed in her mother's. She could still be a better person than Regina ever could be. No, she would never tell her the truth.

The next night was the night when Regina lost Lilla for the second time in her life.

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**Oh shit right?! Ya'll prolly already figured out who Lilla was long before this chapter, but I hope it was still entertaining. **

**See that review button down there? Yes, that one. I know you want to push it.**


	7. Chapter 7: Saved

**Hello! Enjoy this chapter, I've written up to chapter 15. Have to say the later chapters are a lot better. The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll update. :) I wrote a really sweet scene last night between Regina and Emma that I'm still tweaking. It won't come for awhile, but it's one I'm really excited to share with you all. **

**Not much goes on in this ch so I will update soon.**

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Chapter 7: Saved

Lilla was sitting with Snow, anxiously waiting for the barrier to be lifted. Lilla couldn't keep her leg from bouncing up and down in anticipation. The longer they waited, the more nervous Lilla became. Robin and Regina were taking a long time to lift the barrier, too long. They should have made it back to the group by now. Snow looked over to the young woman, trying to reassure her with a small smile. Lilla didn't understand how to woman sitting next to her could look so calm. When Lilla saw Robin approaching alone, she panicked. She ran up to him, "Robin! What happened? Where is Regina?"

"Everything's okay. Nothing happened. Regina just locked herself in her chambers. She said she was tired and sent me to retrieve you all."

"Ohh, thank goodness." Lilla let out a sigh of relief. When she saw Robin walking alone she had feared the worst.

"Thank you," Lilla said genuinely, giving Robin's shoulder a light squeeze. She was thankful that they had gotten through unhurt. Robin had taken care of her for so long, she couldn't trust anyone else with Regina. Robin just smiled back, not telling Lilla the real reason why he had come to get the others without Regina. He had upset the queen and she wasn't interested in spending any more time with the outlaw. He had upset the queen which made Regina act dangerously. Is was his words that made Regina face the Wicked Witch alone. She could have easily been harmed because of his stupidity. He felt guilty because he didn't protect Regina the way he promised he would. Robin made his way back to the castle with his son asleep over his arm, promising himself to try harder to get along with the queen.

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Lilla figured if Regina locked herself in her chambers that it would be best not to disturb her. So instead, she walked the long hallway to her own chambers. She was surprised at what she found when she opened the door. Everything in her room looked the same. It didn't look as if the queen had touched anything. Lilla moved around the small room to a table and set of chairs that were in front of a fireplace to set her belongings down. She walked the small room, finding her old clothing still in the dresser and her old bow propped up next to her bed. Then she made her way over to light the fire. After placing an additional log on the flames she heard her door open behind her.

Lilla turned around to find Regina standing in the doorway holding a long object wrapped in cloth.

Regina stepped the rest of the way into the room, holding out the item for Lilla to take. Lilla unwrapped the cloth with shock in her voice, "My sword. You've had it all this time?" Lilla was in disbelief, she thought that she had lost it long ago in battle. It warmed Lilla's heart to think that the queen had found it and held on to it for so long.

Regina made her way over to one of the chairs to sit down. Lilla followed Regina with her eyes and observed that she looked tired. The circles around her eyes made her look years older than she was. She also looked worried like she had too much on her mind. Lilla made her way over to the other chair. She was examining her sword. She had missed it. She lightly traced the outline of the engraved flower.

"It was all that I had left of you," Regina said with a heart full of sadness. Lilla's heart broke for her. She knew what it must have been like for Regina to know that her friend was gone and never coming back. Lilla always held onto the small sliver of hope that the queen would return to the Enchanted Forest someday and found comfort thinking the queen had found happiness in her new land, but Regina had thought she was dead. Lost forever. Regina was left with no hope at all. She was forced to face the loss of Lilla alone.

"What happened, Regina? How did you find it?" Regina remembered when she was presented with Lilla's sword. She remembered when she was told that there were no survivors from the battle. Her anguish from her loss made all other tragedies pale in comparison. It was as if every ocean dried up and as if every star fell from the sky. If there was ever a chance for redemption, Regina lost it that night. The small amount of like that was left in her heart was chased away by the darkness of her grief.

"The men found it sticking out of the ground next to Richard's sword. They were placed in the ground in front of the burning bodies. They had put them there for me to find. They wanted me to know that they killed you."

Lilla closed her eyes remembering that night. She and Richard lead a regiment of fifty men. They were sent to join the queen's army, but instead they had all been intercepted by rebel forces all because their position had been betrayed by some of King George's men who were secretly aligned with Snow White. She watched in horror as her comrades were killed off without effort. Lilla was only able to fight off so many until only she, Richard and a handful of men were left. Outnumbered and surrounded by a hundred men, they surrendered. She remembered she had screamed when the commander of the enemy's regiment slit Richard's throat right in front of her. Then she watched, hopeless, as the few of the men that were left were executed. It took the enemy an hour to pile up all of the bodies. Lilla had been spared death only to watch as the bodies of her fellow comrades were doused in oil and burned.

"They were all slaughtered. I saw them burn their bodies," Lilla explained, recalling what happened that night. For the first time since the queen entered, she looked into Lilla's eyes. She had missed those eyes so much. She found comfort in them.

"I was told that there were no survivors. The only thing left of your regiment were those two swords." Shortly after Regina was given Lilla's sword she raced through the forest to intercept Snow White. She was prepared to kill her, but was captured instead. When she sat in her cell late that night awaiting execution, she broke down. Lilla was gone for good this time. Lilla's life was extinguished and the only thing left for Regina was darkness.

Lilla continued to tell her what happened that night, "for whatever reason, they took me prisoner. They wanted information about your forces. They wanted to know who was loyal to you and who wasn't. I didn't give them what they wanted and they…they tortured me. After a while I think they did it just for fun. They hated me." Lilla pulled up her left sleeve to show Regina the scar on her arm. A constant reminder of what could have happened if Robin hadn't saved her.

Regina took a sharp intake of breath and cringed.

Lilla didn't want her to worry so she continued, "It wasn't long before Robin and his men came across us in the forest. They recued me in the middle of the night and took me to their camp in Sherwood Forest. I guess I had been out for a while because when I finally woke up, everyone in the Enchanted Forest was gone." In fact Lilla had been out for nearly three weeks. Lilla's injuries were extensive and she spent those weeks in a tent going in and out of consciousness. She had a fever that wouldn't leave her and some of her wounds had been infected. There were a couple times when Robin thought she would die. But she hadn't. She had been saved.

When Lilla was being beaten, the queen sat in a cell awaiting execution. And as Robin carried her bloodied body to the safety of his camp, Regina had tried and failed to kill Snow White. Snow had stopped Regina's execution to give her the chance to leave her past behind, but she couldn't. When she held Snow up against the tower wall with a knife in her hand, the only thing she could think of was that her daughter was taken from her for the second time in her life because of Snow. The rage took over Regina's heart and made her lose control. Regina couldn't leave the evil behind in that cell, the darkness had already taken its hold. And then she stabbed her, only to find that she no longer could bring her or her prince any harm in this land. Rumple had betrayed her. It was in that moment when she knew there was nothing left for her in this land.

Lilla remembered that when she finally woke up she had fought Robin. All she could think of was getting back to the palace. Back to her. But she was already gone. Robin had tried to tell her that most of the people from the Enchanted Forest were gone, vanished, but she refused to believe Regina would leave without her. Lilla nearly died trying to make her way back to the Dark Palace. She had to travel on foot and her wounds were still not completely healed. Her heart was in her throat when she entered the palace. There wasn't a soul left. Lilla ran to the queen's chambers, all of her belongings were in their place, but there was still no Regina. Then she made it down to the gardens. Regina's apple tree was gone. That's when she knew that Regina was gone as well. Lilla remembered that she had fallen to her knees and sobbed. The girl's tears could have filled all of the seas and all of the lakes. She had lost her. She had lost Regina. There was no one left, everything she knew was gone. Her home was gone.

Lilla made it back to Robin's camp defeated, but alive. He welcomed her back with open arms. And they had been together ever since. He never once judged her for being a knight or rejected her because of her loyalty to the queen. All he saw was a young girl who needed a home and he gave it to her. Lilla would forever be grateful to Robin.

Lilla took the queen's hand that was resting on the table, "None of it matters anymore. Because you are back and I am alive." That's when Regina broke. All the events of the last couple days came crashing down on her. Having to say goodbye to Henry, having to come back to the land that caused her nothing but heartache, seeing Lilla again, her fight with Robin, and her encounter with the Wicked Witch all came crashing down on her. She covered her face with her free hand and sobbed. She had cried when she said goodbye to Henry and even when she took her heart out, but now she was completely breaking down.

Lilla got up and wrapped her arms around Regina. She held on to her as if their lives depended on it. She knew that no matter what happened, she would try her hardest to see that Regina would never have to cry that way again. She vowed in that moment to do whatever she had to, to make Regina happy again.

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**Thanks for reading and sticking through this with me.**

**Much Love,**

**X**


	8. Chapter 8: Heartbeat

**Alrighty, here we go. Another shorty, but goody. This chapter was the most therapeutic for me. We learn a about a little habit of Regina's. It's an inspiration from the Bell Jar. Sylvia Plath didn't write the line in the same context that I do, but to be fair that book was really depressing. The things that I took away from that book are completely different. And that's the beauty of literature, we all take something different from it.**

**It's a really good book, I would recommended it to everyone. Self evaluation, yo.**

**So now here we are, eight chapters in and we finally get that title in. **

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Chapter 8: Heartbeat

A week after returning to the Enchanted Forest, Regina was walking in one of her gardens, relieved to have some time alone with her thoughts. The only time she was alone in the past week was when she slept. And she slept little. When Regina wasn't in meetings with the Charmings, she spent her time with Lilla catching up. They talked about everything and everything to avoid the subject of the Wicked Witch. Regina told her of her son, Henry, and how she had to say goodbye to him in order to save everyone. And she told her of the strange things that made up the world of Storybrooke. And she told Lilla how she and Snow had finally put the past behind them. And she told her of Emma and their roller-coaster of a relationship. Then she had to explain what a roller-coaster was. Lilla in return told Regina about the Merry Men and their many adventures. And she told her how much she loved little Roland and his father. Lilla couldn't keep herself from smiling when she talked about Robin and Roland, they had truly become part of her family. Regina's heart warmed, she was happy that Lilla had found happiness in her absence.

...

But now she walked slowly around the grounds happy to be alone with her own thoughts. She was reminiscing about the times when Henry was a young boy, which only made her sad in the end because she had little hope that she would ever see her baby again. Then she thought about the Wicked Witch and worried that she would take Lilla from her. She already lost one child, she wouldn't survive if she lost another. She stopped under her apple tree. She needed to breathe. She closed her eyes and sprawled her hand over her heart. It took her a moment to find the steady thumping of her heart, it was beating out of control. She tried to calm it by tapping her collar bone lightly with her index finger. Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap. 'Everything's going to be okay. I'm still here, I can still win. I am, I am, I am. I will win. I have to.'

Regina's thought were interrupted when she heard footsteps behind her.

Robin cleared his throat, approaching her slowly, "Your majesty. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"I have a feeling that you wouldn't care if you were." Regina lifted her chin, turned around and kept walking, hoping that he would get the hint.

He didn't. He felt bad about his actions the night they broke into the castle together and needed to make amends. He knew now that she didn't deserve his judgment. Robin jogged to catch up to the queen. "I umm, wanted to apologize. For what I said that day in the crypt. I was out of line. I wasn't sure about you at first. You have to understand I feel a responsibility toward Lilla. I never want to see her hurt. But in the last week I've seen you two together talking and laughing and I have never seen Lilla so happy. I acted in error and I'm sorry." Robin was rambling and couldn't help himself. He didn't know what to say Regina to make her see, to make her understand his reservations and his instinct to protect his family.

Regina didn't seem to be paying attention to the man's words until she suddenly stopped walking and turned to Robin, "Do you love her?"

"What's that?" Robin stopped walking as well and turned to the queen. "Do you love her? Do you love Lilla?" Regina repeated. "Of course I do, I love her as if she was my own daughter." Robin said genuinely. Regina looked into his eyes, she could see that he _needed_ her to know this, and she needed the same.

"So do I. With all my heart."

...

Robin looked at Regina with an understanding. He could practically feel the anguish that she must have felt when she thought that Lilla had been killed. And he could feel the happiness she felt now. He could feel all her emotions with his own soul. They stood close to each other for a long while. He could feel still feel the love radiating off of her. He took a moment to study Regina. He felt as if he was seeing her for the first time. She was standing so close to him and she was beautiful and lovely and strong, so so strong. She was a woman who understood his love for Lilla because she felt the exact same way. There was a binding connection between them. A connection that came from their mutual love and understanding.

Robin spoke up, "So will you accept my apology?"

"For Lilla's sake, yes." Robin smirked a little at Regina. She was being intentionally difficult. She might forgive him, but that didn't mean she was going to start going easy on him. Robin turned around on his heels to head back to the castle. Surprisingly, Regina turned as well and walked with him. He proceeded to escort the queen back to the castle. When they were nearing the end of the path, he remembered what Regina was doing when he first spotted her in the garden. He had seen that same gesture before from another woman he knew well. Robin paused his legs, "What was that thing that you were doing before I so rudely interrupted."

"What thing?"

"You had your hand on your chest."

"Ohhh, that. Just something I do to calm myself."

Robin was curious because he had seen Lilla do the exact same thing on many occasions. Lilla would be sitting on a fallen tree or on the bank of a creek and when she thought no one was watching she would place her hand over her heart the same way Regina had. She would sit there for minutes on end completely still except for the occasional tapping of her finger and would eventually open her eyes and proceed to do whatever it was that she was doing.

"How's that?" Robin clearly didn't understand what could be so comforting of a simple gesture.

Instead of explaining it to him, Regina chose to show him. "Close your eyes," Regina commanded.

Robin paused for a second, he was unsure, but shrugged off his concern. Then Regina reached down to take his hand. Robin tensed and the contact, but allowed her free reign. Regina placed his hand on his chest over his heart, keeping her hand firmly over his. "Can you feel that? Your heart beat? It's like in-out, in-out, in-out." Robin gave a little shrug, Regina gave a nervous laugh, backtracking a bit, "I guess it's difficult to describe."

"No. No, I can feel it. I understand," Robin quickly replied. Robin kept his eyes closed. His and Regina's hands were still on his chest.

Regina continued, "Your heartbeat tells you everything that you need to know. It says that you are _here_ and that you are _alive. _It tells you that you just…are… that you exist. No matter what's going on, you _are_. If you listen closely, it'll say, 'you are, you are, you are'." Robin could feel it, he could hear his own heart speaking to him. He listened to the steady rhythm and his entire body relaxed a little under the queen's hand.

...

Robin opened his eyes again. Regina was flushed and clearly affected by their exchange. She looked embarrassed. She didn't even realize what she was doing until she stopped talking. She never intended that share that part of herself, with anyone. She wasn't one to open up, but there was something about this man that broke her barriers. There was something about their connection that had made Regina feel free around him. But she wasn't sure it was something she liked. Realizing what she had done, she removed her hand from Robin's and pushed past him to retreat into the castle.

...

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**Thank you for reading. And special thank you to all of you who have reviewed, favored, and followed. I feel more inspired to write after reading them. **

**If you want these little fingers to keep typing, you're going to have to feed the cookie monster. **

**I will try to update soon, but work is hectic this week plus I have family in town.**

**Much Love. **

**X**


	9. Chapter 9: An Understanding

Chapter 9: An Understanding

A month after returning to the Enchanted Forest, Regina was standing on her balcony, alone, overlooking the main courtyard. Robin and Roland were running around play fighting while the other Merry Men watched them, smiling. Regina smiled a bit, Roland was an adorable little boy. She could see that Robin was a good father and a good man. He took Lilla in when she needed a home. Robin was just as much of Lilla's family as Regina was. Robin loved Lilla as if she was his own daughter and he was always there for Lilla, especially when she wasn't. Regina gripped the railing harder. She was angry that she had missed so much of Lilla's life and she was angry that she was missing Henry's now. She felt that she should be there for her son. She feared that Henry would grow up, never knowing her, the way Lilla had.

Regina's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Lilla's footsteps coming down the hallway. Lilla's steps were soft, barely audible. Without taking her eyes off the courtyard, Regina spoke up, "Do you remember that day we met the first time. This is the very railing that you climbed over when you broke into my caste." Lilla was surprised, she didn't think Regina had heard her approaching. Robin had taught her how to walk with light feet, but apparently not well enough. Lilla smiled, walking the rest of the way into the room with confidence. She was feeling more herself these days. It felt good to sleep in her old room and wear some her old clothing. Her brown and green forest clothes were practical for the forest, but now she felt more comfortable in her old dark riding pants, jacket and boots.

Regina smiled too, her chest feeling lighter. Lilla responded to Regina's statement, "It's funny how we were both so different back then." Regina's smile faded at the memory of the woman she once was. Back then, she was at the height of her evil rule, closed off to those around her, including her own daughter. Lilla made her way over to the balcony, "To this day, I still can't believe you didn't send me to the dungeon right then."

"I guess I saw something in you that reminding me of myself," Regina answered. She felt a pang of guilt because she was selfish that day, she knew who Lilla was and accepted her into her army so that she could be close to her. If she had truly loved Lilla, she would have sent her away once more to live a happy life. Instead, she allowed her daughter to become part of her army. She had allowed her to fight and kill for her. She wasn't sure that she would ever forgive herself for that. A mother was supposed to protect her children, not the other way around.

Lilla looked over the balcony at the sound of giggling. She smiled at Robin running in circles away from Roland, "He's a good man you know."

"Who?" Regina asked as if she had no idea who Lilla was talking about.

Lilla rolled her eyes at Regina, "You know who. Robin. I wish you two would get to know each other a little more, he's important to me. And he is a good ally to have around. You never know, you two might find that you enjoy each other's company." Regina blushed a little, remembering their conversation in the garden. Then she fisted the railing a little harder, upset at herself for showing weakness. Regina had spent the better part of last month avoiding Robin in an attempt to regain some of the dignity she thought she lost. Regina turned away from Lilla to hide her embarrassment, "I don't think so. You know me. I don't play nice with others." Her statement came out a little harsher than she meant it to.

Lilla knew when not to push any farther, she could tell when the queen was closing herself off. "After lunch everyone is going to congregate in the throne room for a meeting. I'm going to help Robin with some things and I'll see you there."

Regina only nodded a little in acknowledgement and Lilla left the queen to look over the courtyard alone, once again.

* * *

Robin and Lilla were standing together off to the side in the throne room while Roland played with Little John and Friar Tuck. Roland had decided that John and Tuck were his personal jungle-jim for the afternoon. Robin was glad that he had a moment with Lilla. They hadn't had the chance to spend a lot of time together, just the two of them, since coming to the palace. Robin anxiously waited for the chance when he could speak to Lilla privately about the queen.

"So you and the queen?" Robin asked being as ambiguous as possible, trying to hide the true reason behind his question. The queen had been on his mind ever since that day in the garden, but he didn't want Lilla to know. He hoped that Lilla would tell him everything he wanted to know without him having to ask a lot of questions. But Lilla said, "what about her," just as vaguely. Regina was clearly not interested in getting close to Robin any time soon and Lilla was trying her best to respect her wishes.

Robin knew he was going to have to put in more effort if he wanted his questions answered.

"I didn't know that you two were so close."

"You never asked." Lilla was being short with him, which reminded him of the very woman in question.

"I knew you were a knight, but I mean, she was, you know, the Evil Queen then." Lilla's eyebrows came together, she didn't like when people called Regina evil, "Yeah, I know. I was there,"

"And how did you come to be _there_?" Lilla looked at Robin square in the eyes for the first time since entering the room, "Why are you so curious about her all of a sudden?" Lilla was suspicious, he never showed any interest in getting to know the queen before. He was happy to be in the castle for the safety of his son, but she knew he didn't go out of his way to win the queen's favor. In fact, they did everything to avoid one other ever since arriving at the palace.

"She's important to you and you're important to me. Isn't that reason enough?"

Lilla paused, she was being unfair to Robin. She had no reason to doubt him now. He was genuine in his curiosity. He was only asking for the same reason he did everything else in his life, because he cared about his family. And Lilla was his family. Lilla decided to tell Robin everything, partly because she wanted him to see Regina the same way she did.

"You know that I never knew my parents. That I was an orphan. Well, the woman who raised me, Sister Charlotte, passed away when I was about fourteen. After that, I felt lost…I didn't feel at home at the orphanage anymore. And there were these guards, who were always around growing up. When I was a kid I always thought it would be cool to be one of them. You know, run around with a sword. Be an authority figure and all that. I couldn't think of anything else to do when I left the orphanage, so I made my way to the Dark Palace. Regina didn't know anything about me, but she welcomed me eventually. She didn't know, but she gave me a home when I had none. She gave me a chance, so I gave her one."

"Yes, but that doesn't explain everything. I mean, I know you Lilla. I know you wouldn't stand for the things the Evil Queen did."

"She took me in when I was fourteen and had nowhere else to go, that doesn't sound like evil to me. True, I have experienced her rage firsthand, and she could be cold. But, I always saw more. The first time we met, I saw her for the woman that she truly was. I felt that in that moment, I knew her. Like, _really_ knew her. I saw in her eyes that she was just like everybody else. That she was victim to the same feelings as everybody else. And I don't know why, but even when I knew of the lives she destroyed, I still had faith that she could be good."

Robin looked at Lilla, she was so young, yet his understanding paled in comparison to hers. She could see the truth, she saw people for who they truly were. And beyond that. Lilla saw people and the world in two ways, the way that they are and the way that they could be. Robin was ashamed that he had been so hard on the queen. He of all people should know that humans are more than their collection of misdeeds. As Robin thought back to his and Regina's conversation in the garden, he understood. He saw what Lilla had seen that day. He saw a glimpse of the woman that Lilla believed her to be. And he felt his heart beat a little bit faster for the woman.

Robin and Lilla's conversation was interrupted when Regina and Bell made their way over to the pair. Robin was afraid that his feelings would betray him, so he gave the queen a mocking bow and made his way over to where his son was playing.

…

Meanwhile Snow was talking to some of the dwarves on the other side of the room. Snow was distracted though, watching Lilla and Regina standing side-by-side facing Bell as the three of them talked. There was something about Lilla that Snow couldn't quite figure out. It bothered her that she didn't know more about the young woman that here stepmother was so obviously close to. She didn't understand how Lilla had wormed her way into the heart of the great and powerful evil queen. The young woman was still a mystery to her. In the last month, Snow and Lilla hadn't spent any time together

Snow was about to go over to the group of women, when Charming entered the room with another young woman in tow. Snow watched as Rapunzel was reunited with her parents. Charming confided in Snow that he feared he wouldn't be a good father to their new child. The child that they had just come to learn that was growing inside of Snow's stomach. Completely forgetting about Regina and Lilla, Snow reassured her husband that he would be a great father and they would raise their baby together. To Snow, the only things that mattered in the entire world were her prince and her child. And now with her stepmother on her side, she felt stronger than ever.

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**Sorry if this wasn't the greatest chapter ever, I had a long week and had difficulty polishing this one up. The chapter after this is much better. I'll working on finishing it and might have it up tomorrow.**

**Thank you for stinking in there with me!**

**Please hit me up with a review if you have a second.**


	10. Chapter 10: Bridge Between

Chapter 10: Bridge Between

It had been months since the citizens of Storybrooke returned to the Enchanted Forest. Regina had spent much of her time researching the Wicked Witch in an attempt to devise a plan to defeat her. It was no use though, because there was little written about her. Regina still didn't even know what her plans were, other than to destroy her. Without knowing what Zelena was up to, Regina had no way to know how to plan her defense. That was until one day the witch came to their castle, threatening to take Snow White's unborn child. Regina was thrilled after that because she finally had a lead. She knew what the witch wanted and she knew that wouldn't make another appearance until the baby was born. It meant she had time. And time was everything.

That same night Robin cornered Regina after their council meeting. All he wanted to do was talk about what had happened that morning and what it meant for the safety of those in the castle. But she was less than willing to give him what he wanted. There was too much to do now that she had her first lead in months, she couldn't afford to be distracted by the man. He took up enough space in her mind, she didn't need him taking up anymore. He had grabbed her arm when she tried to retreat and when she turned around to berate him, she saw it. His sleeve had come up a bit, exposing a tattoo on his lower wrist. It was the same lion tattoo haunted her dreams to this day. She felt her hands fist together and her breathing stop. She panicked, ripping her arm out of Robin's grasp, turning around to rush out of the room. For the second time in her life she ran away from a lion.

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More months went by without any progress. Regina could figure out what Zelena wanted with Snow's child. She spent most of her time in her library away from the others, which didn't make a difference because she couldn't focus most days, her thoughts being occupied by a simple tattoo. A simple tattoo that meant a life thrown away. Just when she thought she was getting her feet back under her, she would think about that night at the tavern. The night that sealed her fate. She had a chance. But she threw it away. And if she wasn't thinking of Robin, she was thinking about her son who she desperately wanted to get back to or her daughter who she wasn't sure she could protect.

The others weren't much help. No one could find any magical items that could defeat the Zelena and time was running out. At one of the many council meetings, the group collectively decided the next logically step would go to Rumplestilskin's castle on the chance that he would know how to defeat Zelena. It was a long shot, but they were quickly running out of options. Robin suggested joining the group to the castle, which Regina highly protested. But of course, Robin won in the end. Lilla smirked a little. Robin and Regina still weren't getting along and their feud was amusing to her because she knew that under all of the avoiding and bickering that they had mutual appreciation for one another. Regina had angrily left the room before the end of the meeting and only came out of her chambers when it was time to leave the palace.

.

.

.

Once they got to Rumple's castle, Lilla was on edge. She didn't like anything about their plan. Breaking into the Dark One's castle was dangerous and they had no way to know what danger waited for them inside. Lilla's hand, much like Charming's, never left the hilt of her sword.

Robin had warned the queen about a booby-trapped door, but she only turned her nose in response and did whatever she wanted. Lilla was about to argue with Regina when Robin shot an arrow at the door causing it to explode, saving Regina. Lilla remembered when she had done the same thing to Regina years ago. Regina had lashed out back then, just as she lashed out now. Lilla held her tongue while Regina chastised and belittled Robin. Robin looked down at his feet and shook his head a little, trying his best not to take her words too seriously. He saw what Lilla saw all those years, a woman who lashed out in order to protect herself. It was her way of keeping people from getting too close.

As the group got closer to the castle's main hall, Regina paused, grabbing hold of Lilla's wrist. Turning Lilla to face her, Regina spoke quietly, "Stay here." Lilla pulled her arm out of Regina's hold, "For what reason?" Regina stood up a little straighter, narrowing her eyebrows, "Because you can keep watch out here. And because I told you to." Lilla looked at Regina with anger, "Really? Or is it because you don't think I can handle myself around Rumplestilskin? I didn't think that you of all people would have such little faith in me." Regina opened her mouth, ready to disagree, but Robin spoke first, "Listen to her majesty, Lilla. You were given an order, now follow it." Lilla looked to Robin, she felt betrayed. With the two of them teamed together, she wasn't going to win. Lilla gave a small nod of her head and stepped aside to allow the others to walk past.

.

Robin and Regina were walking next to each other as they approached the main hallway. Regina almost couldn't believe that Robin had backed her up a minute ago. Both of them thought it better this way. Robin didn't want Lilla any closer to the Dark One than she had to be, he knew what Rumple was capable of, having experienced his wrath first hand. And Regina was concerned that if Rumplestilskin saw Lilla, he would know who she was and they could all be in trouble.

Regina looked at Robin with such admiration, he had the same fierce protectiveness of Lilla that she did. Regina's chest untightened a little by actions. Regina grabbed his wrist just before they got to the entrance before the main hall. She wanted to thank him, but when Robin turned to her, she saw in his eyes that he already knew. So she just gave him a small smile, which he returned.

.

Regina was happy to see that her teacher was alive, even if he was mad and trapped in a cage. In between senseless rambling, Rumple told them of a good witch, Glinda, who could be the key to defeating Zelena. With a sense of determination, she turned on her heels, ready to do whatever it took to find this Glinda because all hope that her daughter wouldn't be taken from her again relied on her.

.

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The group got back to the Dark Palace later that night. The next day they would make the journey to the north part of the forest to find Glinda. Lilla gave the group a collective goodnight to retreat to her room, still angry at Regina and Robin for ganging up on her. Snow gave Regina a slight shrug, she didn't know what to say to her to make her feel any better. She wanted to tell her that she made the right choice, but she still wasn't sure where everyone stood. Regina's gaze lowed to the floor and she walked a little slower to her own chambers. She didn't like disappointing Lilla.

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Robin couldn't sleep that night, so he took to walking around the castle. His mind was too occupied by the day's events to rest. He was worried about finding this Glinda, not even sure that she even existed. He was also bothered how cold the queen could be one minute and so warm the next. Robin had barley spent any time with the woman, but the moments they shared were always on his mind. He hadn't been watching where his feet took him and eventually he made his way through the long hallways to the very woman's sitting room. He looked around to find the queen standing on the balcony. The only light came from the moon and Robin thought that she looked beautiful. Robin took another moment to take her in, her shoulders were uncharacteristically slumped over, clearly deep in thought.

Robin didn't want to disturb her so he turned around to leave, but just as he was turning, Regina spoke up, "Did Lilla ever tell you about how we met?" Slightly embarrassed, Robin turned back towards the queen. Walking up to the queen with his head bowed he replied, "Not exactly, your majesty." Robin had made his way to the balcony by then. They stood parallel to one another looking out over the railing. Regina still hadn't moved, "She broke into my castle by climbing over this very railing. Then she refused to leave until I agreed to give her a chance to be in my guard. She was persistent, even back then." Robin laughed a little, "Sounds like her," he said, making the queen smile a little. Robin peaked over the edge of the railing, following the line of the castle wall he shrugged a bit, "Impressive. Quite the climb."

That's when Regina turned to Robin keeping only one hand on the railing to hold her upright. She had tears in her eyes. The lightheartedness of her story was gone. She was no longer the queen that threw around orders and bitter remarks. The woman that was left standing in front of him was a woman desperate to hold onto her happiness. She looked into Robin's eyes, practically pleading and said, "I can't lose her again."

Robin's heart broke for her. She had to say goodbye to her own son not long ago and now she had to worry about defeating an insane witch who was out to destroy her and her happiness. She had to do this all while making sure that the people she loved, including Lilla, were safe. It was too much for one person to handle. Robin wished he could carry some of that burden from her. He promised himself that he would do whatever it took to keep Lilla outside of harm's way. Whatever he had to give, he would give.

He covered Regina's hand that was gripping the railing with one of his own and with the full sense of his promise in his voice he said, "We won't lose her. Whatever happens, I promise we won't lose her." Robin speech was cut short when Regina gripped the front of his shirt with her free hand and pulled him a little closer to her. Regina's thoughts had faded, the only one left behind was the echo of his voice, he had said _we. We won't lose her. _He knew how she felt and her heart swelled for him.

She pulled him closer to her, "I don't know what will happen tomorrow," Regina said softly. Regina looked away from Robin, whipping away a tear that had gotten away. Robin gripped Regina's hand with his a little harder, "Neither do I." That was all he needed to say for her to finally give into the feelings that had been burning in her ever since that day in her garden. The feelings who's flame only grew more when he had sided with her at Rumple's castle. Every glance, fight, and every conversation they shared since the day they met lead up to this moment. With every emotion in her body, Regina crashed her lips to Robin's. She kissed away her worries, all of the doubts she had about herself and all of the pain of her past. She kissed that man who had invaded her dreams ever since the night she went to a tavern with a fairy.

When he pulled back a little to look into her eyes, she knew that kiss meant more to them than anything. She need his strength, she needed him. Her tears were gone replaced with passion and need.

One kiss was all it took for him to start falling in love with her. Robin didn't give her a chance to run away from him again, taking her lips with more force and anticipation than she had. Robin removed his hand from Regina's that was still on the railing to grip her face while the other pulled at her waist. Pulling her closer to him. Regina moaned into his mouth which he took as an invitation to kiss her harder. Regina went on her tip-toes, pulling at his shoulders, trying to get closer to him. Robin used his leverage to back her up until her back and his hand met he archway of the balcony. There wasn't a chance she would leave him now.

He thought that this was one of the most beautiful moments of his life, kissing this woman in the moonlight on a balcony overlooking the beautiful land below them. Their kisses slowed, growing more tender and less feverish until his tongue grazed the top her mouth. Then Regina lost all control. She kissed Robin harder and with more urgency. While gripping the front of his shirt, she tried to pull her legs around his waist. She needed to be closer to him. She just needed him. Robin needed her just as much, pulling her dress up between his fingers. The soft velvet met the rough skin of his hands.

When he kissed his way down her neck to the point just above her heart, Regina knew that she had never felt more alive than she did in this moment. Her heartbeat rang in her ears to remind her of that. There was this bridge, connecting their hearts, and that bridge was love. Love for a young woman, love for their own sons, and above all else, a mutual love and respect for each other. Regina didn't need a tattoo to tell her how she was supposed to feel about the man. Their connection was greater than some prophecy written in fairy dust. If she had never met Tinkerbell, she would still, without a doubt, know that this man was made for her. Regina felt unstoppable as his hands pressed into her body, holding her to him. No, she didn't need a fairy to tell her this was the man she was meant to be with.

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**Confession time, I wasn't sober when I edited/ wrote most of this chapter. I don't know if it was because I had an exhausting week, but I had the _hardest _time writing this week. But I wanted to deliver, so I hope you all enjoyed the product of a bottle of wine and hours of writing. I've started on the next five chapters. But there are so many other scenes I want to write so I might not update for a little bit. **

**Alrighty,**

**Love you all.**

**Have a good week. **

**Goodbye weekend, it was nice knowing you.**

**Oh and I finished reading the Stranger for like the tenth time this weekend, found a lovely quote:**

"I would listen to my heartbeat. I couldn't imagine that this sound which had been with me for so long could ever stop[...] I would try to picture the exact moment when the beating of my heart would no longer be going inside my head."

**Well, it's not really lovely, kinda sad actually. But it's a good heart quote, which I'm apparently obsessed with currently. **


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